Annoying Neighbors : I : Jesus, is that you?

Common sense, common courtesy & common decency, all these things are dying a twitching, hideous death. Oh how I long for the days of the village idiot; there was only one and the whole town was in agreement that this person was an outright jackass. Perhaps I live in an Idiot Village and I'm just unaware?

In any event, my neighbors are driving me mad. To the left, to the right and above me are people I wish to grab by the hair and toss into the nearest window. I've been driven mad by the yelling of their clearly undisciplined children (I say "clearly" because I fail to understand how a mother casually chats on her cell phone as her children scream into my open window & bang on it... hello, Parenting, where the fuck have you gone?), I've had empty cigarette packs & beer cans land at my feet (and nearly on my damn head) from the balcony above and I've been awakened by constant yelling outside my window which I later found out was only my neighbor yammering on her cell phone and not a riot readying to ensue. None of this however, even holds a candle to the apparent second coming of Jesus.

Other than this blog, I maintain a personal blog & several offline writing projects. These, among many other things, usually keep my brain and I burning the midnight oil into the wee hours of the early morning; and that of course leads to sleeping in late. One morning around 10 a.m. I was still very deep in sleep when suddenly I was surrounded by a blasting sound. I thought I was having a nightmare and was soon startled from my sleep, however the noise did not stop! I jerked my still heavy with sleep head left, right, up and down but there was nothing but noise, as if I had been tossed into a mosh pit in the middle of the morning. I was stunned, confused and outraged, unable to comprehend what was going on in this place. Soon my ears were tuning in to the pounding sound of what seemed to be Gospel music, a woman singing/screaming into a microphone, people yelling, laughing and clapping and a man, also with a microphone, delivering orders on praising something or another. Mind you I have no clue what was really going on but HOLY FUCKING SHIT was my head about to POP.

Who knew that all this time Jesus was hiding in my neighbors closet and that they were the chosen people?? I mean he must have risen again because there is really no excuse for such blatent disregard for the people living around you! Alas, I can do it no true justice because you just had to experience this yourself to believe the insanity and as my (bad) luck would have it, my roommate was out and I have zero witnesses. Of course, as we well know, if I had run over there half naked, hair a mess, crust in my eyes, shouting and pounding on their door not only would they not have understood me as they don't even speak English (making it impossible to even try to talk to my neighbors about their disturbing behavior) but I would have, once again, been the ASSHOLE.

Even Turtles Have Drama : An Asshole's Introduction

Jerks, sticks in the mud, party poopers, buzz killers or to sum it up: assholes. Assholes are all around us just fucking up, making life difficult. That fact has remained true throughout history from the village idiot to the spammer and however else the definitions may change and vary. At the time I am writing this, it is our time; myself and everyone with me sharing the planet. I am in distress at our time, feeling slightly insane as life goes by and I watch the world drown in its own bullshit. From personal to global I just can't seem to shake this nasty vibe. I populate my mind with facts about things around me and keep reaching the same conclusion: everyone is an asshole. I'm noticing a huge rise in bad habits, manners, decency & logic and to be frank, it bothers the hell out of me to the point of madness.

In an attempt to do some therapeutic venting and ranting, I turn to my friend, J. It's sad, but we manage to burn up many hours of our quite angering lives in utter disbelief at the world around us. Not only can we not wrap our heads around the actions of our fellow human beings, we can't understand what awful thing we've done in living our lives the way we have; for no matter what we do we're always wrong, always the asshole. There seems to be some sort of shift in morality, a decline of what used to be common sense that just baffles the mind.

So now we turn to you, world that has let us down, in search of others like ourselves. We yearn for people who still use logic and consideration to resolve their lives' trials. We seek those of you who will understand our ranting, bitching, moaning and general distaste for the world at large, while keeping a sense of humor as we maniacally laugh our way through the irony of life. We pray for some hope that we're not alone in a world where you can be your best self, yet still fail at life. We're looking for assholes who share in our minority sense.