Greetings. I am the other half of this blog, and yes, I use the term "half" loosely, as this is only my first post here in the many months this blog has been operating. It's not that I've experienced a shortage of assholes -- quite the opposite, actually. I have recorded so many incidents worthy of their own posts on this blog that it's almost overwhelming. The problem is, whenever I try to write about one of these experiences, I become so incensed that about 2 sentences in, my writing devolves into the lunatic ravings of madwoman. And thus, now you understand why you have heard nary a peep from me -- until now.
However, dear readers, while I hate to disappoint you, I have not yet overcome my anger-induced writer's block. In the meantime, I present you with this fantastic little video, wherein Mercedes McAsshole attempts to make Grandma Justice the asshole for OBEYING THE LAW and CROSSING THE STREET IN A CROSSWALK. But, for once, fate is on the side of those battling to keep common sense and common courtesy alive and well in this day and age of self-absorbed jerks. Grandma Justice has the last laugh, as you'll see:
Oh, if only ALL encounters with assholes ended like that.
(P.S. - No, I am not sure if this is a real incident, or something orchestrated just for laughs, but it IS heartwarming either way!)
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
50 minutes and counting...
"Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump..."
50 fucking minutes of thumping from someone's skipping CD and it's still going strong. How is this possible? These mother fucks next door have been listening to music since 2 in the afternoon and 50 minutes ago the CD starts skipping. Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much for that. I so enjoy hearing that pounding through my walls at midnight. I'm just about done with people.
On a semi-unrelated note: I officially hate Tyra Banks. This woman has irritated me for years and years and I never could quite put my finger on it, so I pretty much just ignored her. However I can't watch The Bad Girls Club and laugh at these clowns of society without being attacked by Tyra's enormous head and wannabe Oprah excitement at her show. This has given me the opportunity to zero in on what irks me about her: she's Summer. Who or what is "Summer"? Summer is now my general term for bitches of this nature, taken from the movie Napolean Dynamite. Tyra is that bitch. "Vote for Summer!" "I'm gonna get Bonne Belle lip gloss dispensers put in all the bathrooms!" "We're gonna get new cheerleading uniforms..."
Am I being clear enough? Tyra is that dumb, irritating bitch who floats through life thinking of nothing but MTV and who would only donate money to saving animals as long as they are cute and fluffy. That popular jackass in your class who has nothing important or inspiring to say but gets their own show on the school's closed circuit channel. And I hate those bitches. The proof finally came to me in a recent episode where she featured dark-skinned models and complained of a "Blackout" in the modeling industry where they are being phased out like some enormous conspiracy.
Tyra Banks. Light-skinned model with own talk show. Comforting dark-skinned out-of-work models... trying to make them feel better about the industry shutting them out... on her own talk show...
???????
Humanity fails again.
By the way... the thumping is still going on.
50 fucking minutes of thumping from someone's skipping CD and it's still going strong. How is this possible? These mother fucks next door have been listening to music since 2 in the afternoon and 50 minutes ago the CD starts skipping. Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much for that. I so enjoy hearing that pounding through my walls at midnight. I'm just about done with people.
On a semi-unrelated note: I officially hate Tyra Banks. This woman has irritated me for years and years and I never could quite put my finger on it, so I pretty much just ignored her. However I can't watch The Bad Girls Club and laugh at these clowns of society without being attacked by Tyra's enormous head and wannabe Oprah excitement at her show. This has given me the opportunity to zero in on what irks me about her: she's Summer. Who or what is "Summer"? Summer is now my general term for bitches of this nature, taken from the movie Napolean Dynamite. Tyra is that bitch. "Vote for Summer!" "I'm gonna get Bonne Belle lip gloss dispensers put in all the bathrooms!" "We're gonna get new cheerleading uniforms..."
Am I being clear enough? Tyra is that dumb, irritating bitch who floats through life thinking of nothing but MTV and who would only donate money to saving animals as long as they are cute and fluffy. That popular jackass in your class who has nothing important or inspiring to say but gets their own show on the school's closed circuit channel. And I hate those bitches. The proof finally came to me in a recent episode where she featured dark-skinned models and complained of a "Blackout" in the modeling industry where they are being phased out like some enormous conspiracy.
Tyra Banks. Light-skinned model with own talk show. Comforting dark-skinned out-of-work models... trying to make them feel better about the industry shutting them out... on her own talk show...
???????
Humanity fails again.
By the way... the thumping is still going on.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Why the World Doesn't Need Superman
Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about how Lois Lane pisses me the fuck off from time to time... like that annoying friend we all have. You know the one. What a fucking retard.
Anyway, you need friends, even friends like dipshit Lois Lane. You come into the world, you are immediately put in the charge of those around you who feel like giving a shit. Every age is a new level or every grade, job, position, whatever. Friends are people who are at that same level. Your guardians are in charge of you every day, you go out into the world and meet your peers and boom: you've got an escape, someone to talk to and someone to hear about who's going through the same shit as you. This can also happen with siblings, however rare.
Whether you are an underdog who needs someone to look up at the things towering you and can see things from your point of view or a superior there to tell the tale of where you've been and could use someone around with their own stories to share (or some odd spot in between), we all need friends. The universe knows what it's doing man, don't try it.
We're all playing the same damn game with different rules... we must look insane.
Winters here in Hell are shit. I hope someone is enjoying the cold weather somewhere. Throw a snowball for me, eh? I was hoping the new year would bring with it all the marvelous tidings of the Armageddon but, alas, fail. So here's hoping 2008 won't suck as much as 2007... as futile as I know this thing called "hope" to be... good riddance and Happy New Year to all.
Asshole M.
Anyway, you need friends, even friends like dipshit Lois Lane. You come into the world, you are immediately put in the charge of those around you who feel like giving a shit. Every age is a new level or every grade, job, position, whatever. Friends are people who are at that same level. Your guardians are in charge of you every day, you go out into the world and meet your peers and boom: you've got an escape, someone to talk to and someone to hear about who's going through the same shit as you. This can also happen with siblings, however rare.
Whether you are an underdog who needs someone to look up at the things towering you and can see things from your point of view or a superior there to tell the tale of where you've been and could use someone around with their own stories to share (or some odd spot in between), we all need friends. The universe knows what it's doing man, don't try it.
We're all playing the same damn game with different rules... we must look insane.
Winters here in Hell are shit. I hope someone is enjoying the cold weather somewhere. Throw a snowball for me, eh? I was hoping the new year would bring with it all the marvelous tidings of the Armageddon but, alas, fail. So here's hoping 2008 won't suck as much as 2007... as futile as I know this thing called "hope" to be... good riddance and Happy New Year to all.
Asshole M.
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